If there is going to be a movie made about my life, it had better be made soon. I’m not sure how much longer Abe Vigoda is going to be available. In any case, as long as Hans Zimmer does[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
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Posts Tagged professor
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Now that I have children of my own, I’ve come to know that the phrase “quick and painless” is actually parental talk for “I’m about to do something to you that is going to happen fast and hurt a lot.[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
I always hate when I’m getting blamed for something that I know I didn’t do, and I defend myself vigorously only to find out that I was responsible all along. I think it’s worse when you are blaming someone for[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Not everyone who tries to help is capable of being helpful. This is pure science. A person fitting into this group can have the best of intentions and be completely unable to make anything about any given situation better. In[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
If you are given only a split second to make a life-altering decision, you should generally go with your gut feeling. That way you have a 50% chance of making the correct decision. Otherwise, well, I’d better not say anything[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
I think that in the future more and more of us will become allergic to cat dander. And on that fateful day when we all have finally succumbed, cats will suddenly develop the ability to explode into clouds of poisonous[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Sometimes it takes a good whack on the head to clear your thoughts and set you back on the right track. I prefer whacks to the head to stay in the figurative realm. I prefer brownies the size of my[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Sometimes one just has to step up and try to stop a costumed vigilante that’s endangering their way of life. That’s why bad guys always go after superheroes even though they don’t have a chance. Stepping up to protect what’s[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
Before answering a question that can lead to horrible circumstances, always be sure you completely understand the question. For instance, you don’t want to misunderstand the question, “Are you asking me to tattoo your genitals?” Speaking of inappropriate tattoos, happy[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
I am old enough to remember not only the existence of 8-track players but the actual usage of 8-track players. My Dad’s truck had an 8-track player. I know we had a box full of 8-track tapes, but the only[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…